dear jordan,
thank you.
not even those times when i found you asleep as i came home. not even those nights when you drove me down 41, numb to how close we would become. not even that day you called me from russia and i was in the elevator. not even the minute i cried when you hung up. or those days when we laid at the beach. none of them compare to this. this feeling that i finally found you. this sudden closeness that has rushed through my heart and around my body. as if you were standing inches from me. and as if you always had been, but i had never noticed. i loved you. i forgave you. i released.
and i realized that for the past months, no one has cared with as much passion and grace as you have. you have done everything for me. for the past few months, i had listened. but until now, i hadn't heard you. i want to hear more. and more. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for the hard times i give you. you're doing so much good in such a great way, and it was difficult to acknowledge and it was truly a fight to push through. but i feel free now. i want to hear.
i understand if this apology has come too late for you, but please forgive me. there is hardly anything better in my life than your commitment to our relationship. i never want to lose you again, and i know i won't. thank you for staying with me, jordan. i'm so happy. i love you so much. from the bottom and the top of my heart, i wish you a happy holiday and a wonderful new year. let's share our resolutions?
paolo
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
@jordancclark
How many pop artists have released Christmas songs (or even albums) and maintained their integrity?
Mariah Carey
Christina Aguilera
Dean Martin
Louis Armstrong
Ella Fitzgerald
Bing Crosby
The Flaming Lips
Death Cab for Cutie
Mogwai
Yo La Tengo
Coldplay
Hall and Oates
Stevie Wonder
Roy Orbison
Sufjan Stevens
The Beach Boys
The Jackson 5
Dion
Air Supply
Cyndi Lauper
Luther Vandross
Al Green
Elvis
Belle and Sebastian
Queen
Fats Domino
The Four Seasons
The Temptations
The Supremes
Frank Sinatra
Johnny Cash
George Harrison
John Lennon
Charlie Brown
Questionable:
N*SYNC
Ringo Starr
The Polyphonic Spree
Probably not:
Paul McCartney
Toni Braxton
Mariah Carey
Christina Aguilera
Dean Martin
Louis Armstrong
Ella Fitzgerald
Bing Crosby
The Flaming Lips
Death Cab for Cutie
Mogwai
Yo La Tengo
Coldplay
Hall and Oates
Stevie Wonder
Roy Orbison
Sufjan Stevens
The Beach Boys
The Jackson 5
Dion
Air Supply
Cyndi Lauper
Luther Vandross
Al Green
Elvis
Belle and Sebastian
Queen
Fats Domino
The Four Seasons
The Temptations
The Supremes
Frank Sinatra
Johnny Cash
George Harrison
John Lennon
Charlie Brown
Questionable:
N*SYNC
Ringo Starr
The Polyphonic Spree
Probably not:
Paul McCartney
Toni Braxton
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
vote for rory
as i was saying earlier, nothing makes me more excited about hockey than hockey-related stories irrelevant to the actual game. this story is old, but i recognized it from last year, as i was reading a more current voting-related article. i wanted to know what you thought about them, since you always like to remind me that hockey and d.c. area football still exist. good luck tonight. norris and i will be watching, holding our breath.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
snow please
i didn't think it was the right time for those ads. i wanted to live in text for the time being.
the forecast says it might snow tonight. i packed myself up in my bed for the rest of the day and i am here waiting. i'm drinking coffee and reading things on my computer, listening to music, listening for songs to put on my next playlist for you. this time between fall and between winter is giving me a chance to see the past and see the future. i can afford to lose regard for the present as i am in a safe and warm place, needing only myself.
i thought about you in the office, and what it would look like. i like to make up dull scenarios for your day at work. i've been imagining you and your life outside of my correspondence. i hope you're safe and warm like me.
the forecast says it might snow tonight. i packed myself up in my bed for the rest of the day and i am here waiting. i'm drinking coffee and reading things on my computer, listening to music, listening for songs to put on my next playlist for you. this time between fall and between winter is giving me a chance to see the past and see the future. i can afford to lose regard for the present as i am in a safe and warm place, needing only myself.
i thought about you in the office, and what it would look like. i like to make up dull scenarios for your day at work. i've been imagining you and your life outside of my correspondence. i hope you're safe and warm like me.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
waves
i'm afraid i had tried to restart our friendship for reasons that were partially selfish. i don't think my initial rationalization was in any way self-centered; i wanted to, as an old friend, at least help you become the person you wanted to be. and as you expressed so much enthusiasm, i really caught on. once i caught on, i'm afraid i got stuck. inevitably, your charm made me want to be closer and closer to you. i was drawn by how much intimacy you allowed me. you offered such a high level of affection and commitment at such a high frequency, as my need for you heightened to a swelling point. i think there were multiple swelling points. and for every crest, fell a trough. and for every trough, rose a crest. and my emotions became so inextricably tied to my phone calls with you... i wandered away from myself. and the decisions i needed to make for myself. i have strayed, and i am the one to blame. i longed for you while i was longing for someone else. i am making a decision to stop myself right here, while i can still untangle the string of feelings that led me this far. i care a lot about you, and that is all i can say. i think we need to rethink our intentions. and i am worried that i want too much. i am full.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
track and field
brooke waggoner- hush if you must
daniel lanois- sonho dourado
blink 182- always
brand new- jesus
lcd soundsystem- all my friends
vampire weekend- walcott
santo and johnny- sleep walk
the postal service- recycled air
au revoir simone- the disco song
gary glitter- rock and roll (part 2)
kanye west- flashing lights
electric light orchestra- telephone line
jets to brazil- sweet avenue
sufjan stevens- hark! the herald angels sing!
the knife- heartbeat
simon and garfunkel- my little town
boxcar racer- there is
saves the day- jodie
daniel lanois- sonho dourado
blink 182- always
brand new- jesus
lcd soundsystem- all my friends
vampire weekend- walcott
santo and johnny- sleep walk
the postal service- recycled air
au revoir simone- the disco song
gary glitter- rock and roll (part 2)
kanye west- flashing lights
electric light orchestra- telephone line
jets to brazil- sweet avenue
sufjan stevens- hark! the herald angels sing!
the knife- heartbeat
simon and garfunkel- my little town
boxcar racer- there is
saves the day- jodie
Monday, December 1, 2008
plane and simple

i'm in terminal 5. that's slang for crazy future flight area in jfk international airport that jetblue built.
in my free time here, i actually finished revising a paper. who knew i could ever have the capacity to do that? capacity is a big buzz word in my life nowadays as you could definitely imagine. it's too bad there are no verbs relating to capacity. i'm not too sure if capable is its adjective. but i guess as it is, as a noun, capacity is perfect...
i'm full, really. and for a very long time, i've been full. i haven't become bloated, and i haven't popped, but i feel like i'm touching my outer limits. when i get the chance to think about it enough, i am very satisfied with how extended i am. it's a lot like having incredible metabolism. and not being fat. and eating a lot of food.
speaking of food, in that picture i was eating vegetable teriyaki from one of terminal 5's food terminals. seriously, this place is so advanced, it doesn't even have restaurants.
among my other waiting in airport highlights was the extensive use of david cook and blink 182 on the airport's radio station. that and the prolonged "float on blackbird" melody i had stuck in my head--which by the way, was used correctly in my response to harrison's status. i can't tell exactly what you meant by "no no no!" but i quoted the beatles' version accurately. it actually precedes your quote by about 5 seconds i think.
think about it.
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