Wednesday, November 12, 2008
cloudy
You know that song "There Is" that I played before we went to sleep a while back-- it continues to haunt me. Even in the middle of the day. I'm so sunk into this sofa and computer, that I'm worried I'll not come out for the rest of the day until it's dark. I missed school again and I kind of need something to escape the prospect of completely losing the next several hours. I'm going to be alone for a while. Have you sent that cd yet? I will soon, I just want to be on the same page. I hope you are well.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
seedless grapes
i just did an in depth analysis of our walltowall. not really, i just noticed that we sent more links in the last 2 months than we did in all other months combined, or something. our walltowall in 2007 was much more dynamic i'd say. it also showed me the limits of our relationship. to some extent, i had no idea we had been friends (i almost said been together) for fewer than 2 years. to put this in some perspective, though not the most apt, i have been "together" with danielle for three years today. in fact, it is our actual anniversary. 11/11. oh my, have you ever heard konstantine by something corporate? can you? if not, it could really work on your mix cd if you let me put it on it.
i'm painfully sorry i wasn't there to pick up the cphone when you called. i know hockey games are important, and i kind of missed my chance to have a real talk about that. my mom and raffi and norris also called a few times, so i've been missing several calls not just yours. also, as much as i tried to repress this knowledge, i found out that my econ test is on thursday. i still desperately and lovingly need your help.
desperate love probably isn't good. but i could care less what's good or not if i get an eighty on this econ test.
i'm painfully sorry i wasn't there to pick up the cphone when you called. i know hockey games are important, and i kind of missed my chance to have a real talk about that. my mom and raffi and norris also called a few times, so i've been missing several calls not just yours. also, as much as i tried to repress this knowledge, i found out that my econ test is on thursday. i still desperately and lovingly need your help.
desperate love probably isn't good. but i could care less what's good or not if i get an eighty on this econ test.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
[]
Your playlist is almost over. It's not about to end but I just mean that its tracks are ready to be finalized. Your missed call was in regards to [hmm you just called me]. I'm glad pee is part of your vocabulary. I guess I don't need to explain anything in writing since I'm about to speak with you.
Except, I saw this and had an urge to finish.
1 business grammar seminars
16conference calls
8NYT
9 NPR
4 LSU Tigers
13Fantasy Sports
5Michael Phelps
12 Barack Obama
3 TB Rays
14Usher
6 Saves the Day
11Brand New
7Synchronized Swimming
10 Figure Skating
2 Steeplechase
15Biathlon
A lot of thought was put into this. Next round will come soon! I am talking to you on Skype. This is a bad entry but better entries will follow.
Except, I saw this and had an urge to finish.
1 business grammar seminars
16
8
9 NPR
4 LSU Tigers
13
5
12 Barack Obama
3 TB Rays
14
6 Saves the Day
11
7
10 Figure Skating
2 Steeplechase
15
A lot of thought was put into this. Next round will come soon! I am talking to you on Skype. This is a bad entry but better entries will follow.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Auburn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe_rPBDFjxM
i believe in me. do you believe in me?
this past weekend, i lived in the hallway of a church office in auburn, alabama. the girls slept with the other girls at lauren's apartment. the guy we drove with, gustavo, and i slept two nights in the empty office building of journey church. i had a mattress pad and a sleeping bag and instead of sleeping with the other guys in the main room, i chose to stay in the hallway, so i could rest alone without the awareness of snoring and shuffling. in that hallway, while everyone was sleeping, i watched the above video and then i watched the second half of lsu-auburn on espn360. this was the night of the game. i had thrown my voice away in jordan-hare stadium. there were so many people. and i was back to this cramped hallway so very alone and a throat so sore it couldn't power my vocal chords. then i thought about the game and fell asleep.
i don't know very much what happened to myself while i was in auburn, but it very much changed me. seeing a city being filled to its brim with sports was somewhat disgusting, but altogether very remarkable. it was a tragedy to see the city overflow past the brim only to fall and spill out entirely. i am still spilling out, and i can't think of anything else. it's a lot like the dark knight. these moments of entertainment driven by such deeper meaning have so much strength, and i am just overpowered. this whole weekend was in passive voice. i did nothing. i did nothing but i am so insanely different. three feelings: walking up the steps of jordan-hare stadium was like ascending into heaven. gustavo told us that when he woke up in the middle of the night, he saw that one of the guys we stayed with had a gun lying next to his bag and it made sense. i once prayed to god for lsu to score, during the game i found myself praying to god for lsu to only learn in their hearts how to score. i omitted a lot, especially on the side of detail, but the point is that i have no idea.
i believe in me. do you believe in me?
this past weekend, i lived in the hallway of a church office in auburn, alabama. the girls slept with the other girls at lauren's apartment. the guy we drove with, gustavo, and i slept two nights in the empty office building of journey church. i had a mattress pad and a sleeping bag and instead of sleeping with the other guys in the main room, i chose to stay in the hallway, so i could rest alone without the awareness of snoring and shuffling. in that hallway, while everyone was sleeping, i watched the above video and then i watched the second half of lsu-auburn on espn360. this was the night of the game. i had thrown my voice away in jordan-hare stadium. there were so many people. and i was back to this cramped hallway so very alone and a throat so sore it couldn't power my vocal chords. then i thought about the game and fell asleep.
i don't know very much what happened to myself while i was in auburn, but it very much changed me. seeing a city being filled to its brim with sports was somewhat disgusting, but altogether very remarkable. it was a tragedy to see the city overflow past the brim only to fall and spill out entirely. i am still spilling out, and i can't think of anything else. it's a lot like the dark knight. these moments of entertainment driven by such deeper meaning have so much strength, and i am just overpowered. this whole weekend was in passive voice. i did nothing. i did nothing but i am so insanely different. three feelings: walking up the steps of jordan-hare stadium was like ascending into heaven. gustavo told us that when he woke up in the middle of the night, he saw that one of the guys we stayed with had a gun lying next to his bag and it made sense. i once prayed to god for lsu to score, during the game i found myself praying to god for lsu to only learn in their hearts how to score. i omitted a lot, especially on the side of detail, but the point is that i have no idea.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Sporty Spice
To the untrained eye, my summer has been an exercise given to me on how to get past shit. The assortment of conflicts that stuck onto me is still dizzying, and I'm still trying to keep my head on straight, but in so many ways, it's been a blessing. I feel really strong without feeling powerful, which is good for me, and I want to let whoever reads this know that my life is solid and I'm trying to open up channels for resolution and acceptance. I still need other peoples' willingness to work with me, but otherwise the table is set.
In a cruel twist, the summer's wounds and scabs have been the most visible signs of my season. However, right through the endless trail of fights with my friends and my girlfriend and my brother and my mom and my dad and everyone who was important to me, there was a non-sarcastically important revelation in my life-- sports, and my faith in sports, can carry me through... anything...?
The results are clear: I teared up while watching sports that my eyes never dreamed of tearing up about- golf, tennis, gymnastics, swimming, exhibition football games, sports commercials, even fucking ceremonies that just were about sports. I actually participated in fantasy soccer for a few weeks. Reading offseason football rumors filled up vast portions of my day. I started again to peek into bars from the street to check the score of the game. And I liked the Celtics for a few minutes.
Those are tangible moments of my ridiculous sports secret life. To follow sports like this was never expected of me, not even from me. I knew I liked them, I just never knew I needed them. And so friends came and left. Between work and sleep, I fought off my sadness, and willed things to get better. And I watched Wimbledon. And when Nadal won, I cried. Not for anyone else but me, for being witness to spontaneous greatness. And when I found myself pulling for Rocco Mediate to upset Tiger in the U.S. Open, I stared in awe. I cared about golf. Tiger won, and I felt it inside again. He won the 18 hole playoff on one knee and it felt like I could do it. Accomplishment was everything. And so between Garnett's euphoria, Crosby vs Zetterberg, Turkey's Euro miracles, Manny Pacquiao winning his fight, Tiger's arthroscopic knee surgery, the best tennis player ever being dethroned in the best tennis match ever, Brett Favre, China making everything insane, and the rising prospect of the 08-09 college football season, along with the always present blanket of the Mets kind of winning, I realized the overwhelming presence of accomplishment in the world, and in a way, sports and its stunning victories and failures were my fuel to ignite my transformation from weak to strong Paolo all in one season. And sports gave me love and faith in people, which is why this summer was the best summer of my life.
In a cruel twist, the summer's wounds and scabs have been the most visible signs of my season. However, right through the endless trail of fights with my friends and my girlfriend and my brother and my mom and my dad and everyone who was important to me, there was a non-sarcastically important revelation in my life-- sports, and my faith in sports, can carry me through... anything...?
The results are clear: I teared up while watching sports that my eyes never dreamed of tearing up about- golf, tennis, gymnastics, swimming, exhibition football games, sports commercials, even fucking ceremonies that just were about sports. I actually participated in fantasy soccer for a few weeks. Reading offseason football rumors filled up vast portions of my day. I started again to peek into bars from the street to check the score of the game. And I liked the Celtics for a few minutes.
Those are tangible moments of my ridiculous sports secret life. To follow sports like this was never expected of me, not even from me. I knew I liked them, I just never knew I needed them. And so friends came and left. Between work and sleep, I fought off my sadness, and willed things to get better. And I watched Wimbledon. And when Nadal won, I cried. Not for anyone else but me, for being witness to spontaneous greatness. And when I found myself pulling for Rocco Mediate to upset Tiger in the U.S. Open, I stared in awe. I cared about golf. Tiger won, and I felt it inside again. He won the 18 hole playoff on one knee and it felt like I could do it. Accomplishment was everything. And so between Garnett's euphoria, Crosby vs Zetterberg, Turkey's Euro miracles, Manny Pacquiao winning his fight, Tiger's arthroscopic knee surgery, the best tennis player ever being dethroned in the best tennis match ever, Brett Favre, China making everything insane, and the rising prospect of the 08-09 college football season, along with the always present blanket of the Mets kind of winning, I realized the overwhelming presence of accomplishment in the world, and in a way, sports and its stunning victories and failures were my fuel to ignite my transformation from weak to strong Paolo all in one season. And sports gave me love and faith in people, which is why this summer was the best summer of my life.
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